So, I've decided to take a different tune with this blog. Originally, it was to keep family updated on what was going on in our lives as we entered this adventure with the Army. Now, I've decided to make it more personal. That's what it should be. It's my blog, after all...
With that being said, here is my thought of the day. How does one go about rebuilding trust and faith after it has been shattered? Trust and faith in anything, a relationship, a belief, humanity, an organization...anything. How do you rebuild? Where do you start? I ask this for very personal reasons. I am not one to openly trust just anyone. Never really have been...and I have very valid reasons for this. But as time continues and more betrayals are experienced, it makes it quite difficult to not become reclusive. I feel as though sometimes I'd be better served to shut my money in a safe behind a painting, work from home via personal computer, and have a personal assistant to run my errands. I feel as though raising children in such a society is too risky, and they should be home schooled and sheltered from all the pain I've found. Then, I quit running through my fight or flight scenario and realize that to fight is surely the only way. I was never raised to be weak (though looking at my childhood, you'd think weakness was inevitable). I was not raised to give up and hide away. I was born fighting and have been fighting since. Twenty-eight long years I've been fighting...why stop now? Thus, I must find this answer. I have to know...how on Earth does one rebuild trust? Yes, seemingly, the easy answer is to have faith in something. But with a complete inability to have faith in anything deeper than the inevitability of being hurt or betrayed again, I find myself on a never ended windmill.
Then begins the psychoanalysis of society as a whole. This alarms me. As I was driving home channel surfing the other day, I came across a radio station who had two guest speakers-a pastor and his wife. They were spouting statistics regarding infidelity. Did you know that some 70% of relationships have endured some level of infidelity? 70%! That's astronomical! And 23% of those have strong ties to their church (meaning they are a reverend, pastor, deacon, bishop, or whatever...)...wow. What does that say about society? Seven out of ten men or women will engage in inappropriate sexual relationships with someone other than their spouse! I guess this would explain why this has honestly happened to me in three of my four serious relationships. Though I've only been married twice, I had two serious relationships between #1 and #2...and from my first husband to the last person I dated before my current husband I experienced nothing but infidelity. People tried to tell me that this is not a common thing. I just have bad taste in men. I asked for it by dating that caliber of person. It was my fault for being too needy, or too controlling, or too uninvolved, or not affectionate enough...whatever. Now I know that this is way more common than people like to admit. Seven out of ten is shockingly common! I'm a pessimist but truly didn't think it was such an epidemic. What has happened to society to make it so shallow and sexually oriented? Are we all truly just animals, waiting for the next moment of heat? With no regard for emotion, loyalty, responsibility, accountability, and empathy? Apparently. My dog humps less inanimate objects than seven out of ten! Really does not help my lack of faith in humanity.
And on another topic, to deviate from relationships, the fact that one cannot trust anyone that is encountered via business deal is alarming too! If you try to sell someone something, you literally have to double and triple check everything, or you'll surely be made a fool of. Nothing can truly make anyone safe from being defrauded. Lurkers are out there waiting. These people wait it out and jump like velociraptors the instant they find one trusting individual. They seem like normal and decent people. And once they've found a good, honest person they use phrases like "good faith"...I'm sorry, but once the word faith has been associated with such a negative occurrence, it makes having it look that much scarier. Why is it that doing the right thing, and trying to be trustworthy and honest ends up being the reason we were victimized? Why is it that when this is reported, we are told there is nothing that can be done? Why is it that when you place faith in an organization that you have done business with for the better part of a decade, they leave you hanging with your rear end out so the wolves can nibble at convenience? What happened to accountability? What happened to honesty? If every direction you turn, you find betrayal...where do you begin to trust again? Where do you turn for sanctity? Where do you find serenity and safety? Tell me, where do you start?
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