It's been a while...

Alright, so it's been a while since I've been on here...things have been crazy busy! We PCS'd and let me say, it was my first and worst PCS. About two weeks after we moved in, our mentor passed...it hit home hard. And one week later, my husband's training was pushed up three months! So, with a 20 something hour notice, he was off...and is still off. We have no idea when his next phase (OBC) will begin. I am fairly confident it'll be pushed up. Life would be too easy if it weren't.
But on a happier note, my sister just had her third baby! A beautiful baby girl! I cannot wait to go visit so I can hold her! I'm so happy for her! It's a torn sensation though, our infertility struggles really make baby fever kick into hyper drive when I see pictures of her. She is precious.
Tomorrow is going to be rough. The recent Ft. Hood tragedy has many things on my mind...as I am sure it has impacted many of us. This jidadist activity has me terrified. But it brings up a very valuable point that I hope the military and government take into account and correct: Hasan was investigated by the DoD before this happened, and the investigation was dropped! People have become paranoid of being labeled racist or being seen as a racial profiler, in addition there has been name slinging by those who can be seen as jihadi supporters! "Islamophobia" is a term they have used. Phobia, yes I would say it is fear of being politically incorrect that halted the investigation by the DoD. So it would be that same fear that cost us many lives. This hatred is breeding within our own military! The US military is one of the largest and most powerful militaries in the world. If we allow these terrorists, the supporters of "Islamofacism" to enter our military, our very foundation has been shaken! This conflict hits home on every level!! First, I am an American, and the Islamic extremists have waged war against America and all it's "kaffir" inhabitants, labeling us infidels. Secondly, my husband and I have been on our own religious quest-starting with Buddhism, Catholicism, all the way through Christianity...and we finally decided we want to convert to Judaism! Now, that is great, and I am happy; however, as usual, the Jewish community has also been targeted by the extremists (again). And, more importantly, my husband serves in the US Army. I cannot pray enough, I cannot find any comfort that does not come from scripture or the arms of my husband. Since he isn't here...scripture will have to do. This Islamic extremism has me scared, has me angry, and has me focused like I have never been focused before. I just wish the leadership of this nation would wake up and focus as well!

We've only just begun

August 27, 2009 my husband graduated OCS class 011-09 Echo company! Woo hoo! He became a 2LT within the United States Army and will begin his Field Artillery Officer training within the next year! I was so proud of him, words cannot illustrate the emotions that coursed through my body as the love of my life walked with pride and accomplishment across that stage to accept his commission. Wow...it was truly amazing! This entire journey so far has evoked so many different changes. One thing I can say is we have truly grown, as individuals and as a couple. What a great start to such a turbulent career path. I am so proud of my husband, of my LT. He is amazing, and I am confident he will prove an asset to the US Army, and to any FA PL he leads! Congrats hubby!



And two days before that, we were able to attend his company's formal, which served as a celebration for all 132 graduates for that class. It was so fun! I met some really great people, and had a blast talking to the new sgt's wife. She was such a doll! I was totally freaked out before the formal though. I have been taking hormonal supplements to help with fertility, and my weight and body mass fluctuates with each cycle of pills. Well, when I bought my dress for the formal, I hadn't taken any supplements, as I was out. But the day before I tried my dress on for my husband, and it wouldn't zip! Talk about major spaz mode!! Luckily, JCPenney took it back and had an even more adorable and form flattering dress for the same price! All-in-all this has proven to be an eventful and amazing journey...and we've only just begun

AS

Changes impact everyone involved...everyone, adult or child. Well, with all the changes recently, with my husband being gone for his training, and the inconsistency of the visits and so on I have seen changes in my son. At first, I was thinking it was purely stress related, as my son is incredibly structure-oriented. As I continue to watch him, and see the changes in him, I am becoming more and more concerned. He is having trouble socializing (he's only 6), he is becoming lethargic, obsessed with the Army, and is changing all the way around. I am so worried about him. His biological father has ADHD and my youngest sister has Autism (severe). Both of these disorders are genetic, and with my son having Austistic spectrum disorders on both sides...the chances are increased. Well, after research (and having worked with disabled children and adults for 7 years) I am afraid my son has Asperger's syndrome. I have done extensive research on this disorder, and have worked one-on-one with children who have it a year back, and all the information I am finding is only making me worry more. At first, I thought he was just struggling to adjust to the changes, and took drastic measures to try to help him adjust (keeping him busy, new activities, family day as often as possible, and so on). Now I am convinced it is more. Each time we go to the park, he struggles to communicate with the other children. He can play with the younger children, but not those his own age. If anyone knows anything about Asperger's Syndrome, please let me know! I want to devour all information so I can prepare myself to help provide the best life possible for my son! I haven't spoken with his pediatrician yet, as we were just there a couple weeks ago. I just want to have all my ducks in a row before going to talk with her...

In My Life

So I had to use that subject for the title because it is just too fitting. This past Valentine's Day my husband and I wed. My son walked me down the aisle and did the honors of giving me away. For the dance with the one who gave me away (my adorable son), I chose that song. It just seemed so fitting, you know? If you listen to the lyrics...it puts into perspective just how our life together has been. Through all the trials and tribulations, all the struggles and challenges...he's there. Our children are blessings, and should never be taken for granted. Each morning they bring a smile to our face, and each night we beam with pride and love. Motherhood is truly amazing!
Today, as Caleb climbed on the school bus, he touched my heart. He turned around, winked and gave me a huge heart-melt smile and said, "I love you Momma." He was the only child to do so, as all other children are too embarrassed by their parents. It's moments like these that just melt my heart. He is amazing, and so loving. And to my dear Caleb, the Beatles said it best when they said...'in my life, I love you more'...

Everything changes

As I sit here and wait for my husband's company to return from their 12 day FLX (field exercise) I can't help but realize how comfortable I am with this entire situation. First, let me start off by saying I have never been one who does well alone! I grew up in a large family that was always loud and someone was always there...always. And even after I moved out of my parent's house, I still had to have someone there all the time, and slept with the television on for years to break the silence. However, as my husband progresses through his Officer training, I am becoming more and more comfortable with him being gone. At first, a plethora of fears and insecurities paralyzed me to the point of not being able to deal with my emotions, but after an introspective view, I realized they were nothing more than insecurities and fears. How can you get over these???? Let them go, let someone else worry about them. Let's face it, you can fear all you want. You can worry all you want, but all you are doing is limiting the happiness in life for you, and all those around you. So, after 26 years of being scared and insecure, I let it go. It's kind of weird to sit here today, and realize how much I (personally) have changed from this experience. Now don't get me wrong, I will still fear deployment...who wouldn't? I mean, I can't think of one military spouse who doesn't fear sending his or her loved one to a war zone for at least a year. That is my fear. Beyond that, I have no fears.
It's amazing to wake up and realize that life is great. I mean, I married my highschool sweetheart, Caleb (our son) just amazes me every single day, and things are going to be okay. This new life, this new me, is something for which I owe incredible thanks to my husband. He was determined to show me there is nothing to fear (except fear itself). He was determined to illustrate love and happiness for me. He stood by me through so many troubles, and has always been there when no one else was. Finally, I fear no more. We sat down one day this past winter and decided we wanted to commit ourselves to a religion. We both believed in God, but neither of us believed in the religious beliefs of our families. We both took religion courses in college and had a pretty vast knowledge of what to expect and what was expected (and accepted) of each religion. I had been asking him to go to church with me, but he kept declining my offer. I didn't want to push. Finally, we sat down and realized it would be best, not only for ourselves, but for each other, and for our son. Statistically, families that attend church and religious services have lower divorce rates. Plus, there's an amazing spiritual cleansing process that happens at church, it's invigorating! So, we decided we were going to pursue Catholicism.
This year has been full of changes, we married on Valentine's Day, he joined the US Army, we moved to Georgia, I had an epiphany, our son learned to read, and we found our faith. Faith is a funny thing...as it is all a matter of perception. So many argue with religion or the presence of a divine being; however, once you have experienced the other side, you realize there must be a balance present, there must be something divine and good to balance out the bad. How else could blessings like family and children be present? All I can say is I am so grateful to have this life...I've waited 26 long years...and it was worth every second of the wait!

My two guys the day my husband was promoted to SOC. Caleb was so proud of his dad, and I was too. A father's love is timeless, and a child's admiration is impenetrable. These two have a bond no one can understand.

Changes

So to continue on to our story, my husband set forth the process to become an Army Officer last fall (beginning of winter). During all of that time, we buckled financially and had to move in with his mother (I love her like my own) until it came time for him to report for duty. During that time, he struggled to get back into shape. He has never been one who liked to exercise, so preparing for his APFT was challenging. But, he did it, running through sometimes 12 inches of snow in 20 degree weather (see why he's my hero). And he passed his physical, and the board. When he called me to give the news of acceptance, I cried. There was this overwhelming flood of emotions that just hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so proud of him because of all his hard work and dedication to our family and our country, but then I was scared to death because I know that deployments are inevitable. But, April 20th we moved into Columbus, Georgia and prepared for the end of May when his true testing would begin.
For those of you who aren't familiar with OCS, it is one of the most stressful trainings a soldier can go through. They bust your tail everyday of the week with both physical and mental training, not to mention lack of sleep, you must live in barracks with little communication with the outside world (at first), and the emotional challenges as well. We really struggled at first. I mean, it was rough. We are both very puritanical in our morality and values, and his living in co-ed barracks was a big suck pill for us to swallow. He still struggles to feel comfortable. I trust him, but have my apprehensions as well. Nevertheless, we made it through all the challenges on our marriage, the trials of trust, and his poor physical testing (blisters the size of dollar coins on his feet, messed up knee, and days with 3-4 tests to study for). And here we are, the hardest part...he's doing an FLX right now, which means 12 straight days in the field with no communication home at all! This is the first time I have been away from him like this. I was just getting used to him not being here at night because I still always got to tell him "I love you" before he had to get off the phone...but now, it's all through faith and our prayer we have chosen to get us through these times: the "Mizpah prayer" which can be found in Genesis 31:49. Now you understand the name selection of this blog. If you know this passage, and you know anything about military life, you will understand perfectly how this prayer would fit into our situation, and how we could find comfort in this prayer at times like this. If you aren't familiar with it, google it, or grab a Bible and read it. It is very short, but honestly doesn't need length to communicate it's significance in the lives of all military couples.

Decisions

So, I'm completely new to blogging (well beyond Myspace blogging). But, with the plethora of emotions running through my life right now, I feel it is essential for my sanity to let this out...one way or another.
October of last year (2008) my husband and I were like many Americans...busting tail and doing everything in our power to make our bills and still find time for happiness and family. Well, we weren't exactly succeeding. He had been laid off twice, I was working 40+ hours a week while going to school full time...and our son was suffering because we were always tired. Something had to give. Finally, we sat down at our table and decided it was time for things to change. We spoke about our alternatives. I didn't really have much to contribute as far as options, for I am still in college. My husband, on the other hand, already has his B.A. and has done four years of service in the United States Navy. So, we decided to speak with recruiters to see what the options were. The Army contacted us first, and this is where our journey began...