Hannah Faith

So with ten weeks left in this pregnancy, we can say definitely that we are naming our girl Hannah Faith. I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with Biblical passages, but our son's name is Biblical (Caleb) and Hannah seemed to fit our situation so perfectly. First, the story of Hannah is primarily about a woman who prayed and prayed for a baby and was smited by many community members for wanting a child. Needless to say, she was blessed with her baby. Although our stories are not entirely parallel, this baby girl took a lot of patience, prayer, and faith. Faith, her middle name, is symbolic to how we got through all the health struggles to finally be able to have her.

When we first found out she was a girl, Caleb instantly said "since I don't get a brother, do I get to name her?" I was apprehensive to proceed but asked him what name he had in mind...his response, Hannah. Perfect! After research for meanings (we stuck with the Hebrew meaning which is gracious) and so on, we've made it official (which means we've purchased items with her name on it lol). So, ten weeks left and our little family will be perfect. Of course, I've always thought of us as perfect (I suppose I have a bias).

In other news, Joe finally graduated from OBC and AOT, which means he is officially an Artillery Officer! OBC was so challenging for him, and for us. I've never seen him work so hard, and still be so exhausted, stressed, and far behind! The hours were intense, the homework was intense, and it seemed the harder he worked, the more they piled on him. But he made it! We made it! Now, after a short hiatus, he will be joining the 75th FAR, more specifically the 3-13 where he'll function as a PL. It's very nerve-wrecking at this point, as the 1st battalion is already in Afghanistan, the 2nd battalion is preparing to go to Korea...so we are very nervously waiting to hear what he'll be doing! I'm thankful we've gotten through all the training, but deep down a very small and somewhat selfish part of me misses the certainty that came with TRADOC. I knew he wasn't going to deploy until his training was finished. Now, that long-dreaded "D" word it tangible and scarier than ever. I suppose this is where strengthening our faith and our marriage will come in handy.

A bambino

Finally, after a little over one year...we are pregnant. I've been wanting to update my blog to share such joyous news, but have just been exhausted! There is no way to even describe it other than pure, overwhelming exhaustion! I am eleven weeks pregnant as of this past Monday, and currently I weigh 130.7 pounds (which is up three pounds from two weeks ago). My pants don't fit, my baby tees no longer fit, I have been battling the lack of digestion, and hormonal roller coasters. Can't seem to feel appealing during all this as I am always nauseous and always tired. I've been here before but really do not remember the nausea and fatigue being this bad. I always heard the first pregnancy was the worst...but honestly, I'm thinking thus far this one is way worse!
The hubs is nervous and on edge. I am telling you, he has spent hours upon hours over the last three weeks talking about the future, investment, and retirement. He is freaking out I think, but I am sure once things slow down and he realizes that I quite have a handle on this he will be able to breathe. Until then...well he certainly isn't getting any thicker up top! Ahh...but I love my balding paranoid provider husband. He's good to us. This is his first time of being around me pregnant. He wasn't around for the first one, so 8 years later, here he is freaking out. He is so funny...he wants to do all the vacuuming, all the dishes, all the grocery shopping, and any cleaning that involves super smelly chemicals. Silly guy, but a very thoughtful notion still. Part of me (the fatigued and nauseas side) wants to let him...but the rational side knows that he simply cannot do all that while working 50-60 hours a week! So, I do my very best to battle the challenges of the day, and get it done while he is gone. Considering we only get an average of ten hours a week together (not including weekends) this really isn't that difficult. The difficult part is moving period. But, in a week and a half we'll be entering the second trimester and all of this will hopefully be behind us, I should be able to muster more energy and less nausea. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to eat an entire meal. All I know is I am going to stop talking about food, as I can already feel the tummy yucks peeking their nasty head into my evening!

It's been a while...

Alright, so it's been a while since I've been on here...things have been crazy busy! We PCS'd and let me say, it was my first and worst PCS. About two weeks after we moved in, our mentor passed...it hit home hard. And one week later, my husband's training was pushed up three months! So, with a 20 something hour notice, he was off...and is still off. We have no idea when his next phase (OBC) will begin. I am fairly confident it'll be pushed up. Life would be too easy if it weren't.
But on a happier note, my sister just had her third baby! A beautiful baby girl! I cannot wait to go visit so I can hold her! I'm so happy for her! It's a torn sensation though, our infertility struggles really make baby fever kick into hyper drive when I see pictures of her. She is precious.
Tomorrow is going to be rough. The recent Ft. Hood tragedy has many things on my mind...as I am sure it has impacted many of us. This jidadist activity has me terrified. But it brings up a very valuable point that I hope the military and government take into account and correct: Hasan was investigated by the DoD before this happened, and the investigation was dropped! People have become paranoid of being labeled racist or being seen as a racial profiler, in addition there has been name slinging by those who can be seen as jihadi supporters! "Islamophobia" is a term they have used. Phobia, yes I would say it is fear of being politically incorrect that halted the investigation by the DoD. So it would be that same fear that cost us many lives. This hatred is breeding within our own military! The US military is one of the largest and most powerful militaries in the world. If we allow these terrorists, the supporters of "Islamofacism" to enter our military, our very foundation has been shaken! This conflict hits home on every level!! First, I am an American, and the Islamic extremists have waged war against America and all it's "kaffir" inhabitants, labeling us infidels. Secondly, my husband and I have been on our own religious quest-starting with Buddhism, Catholicism, all the way through Christianity...and we finally decided we want to convert to Judaism! Now, that is great, and I am happy; however, as usual, the Jewish community has also been targeted by the extremists (again). And, more importantly, my husband serves in the US Army. I cannot pray enough, I cannot find any comfort that does not come from scripture or the arms of my husband. Since he isn't here...scripture will have to do. This Islamic extremism has me scared, has me angry, and has me focused like I have never been focused before. I just wish the leadership of this nation would wake up and focus as well!

We've only just begun

August 27, 2009 my husband graduated OCS class 011-09 Echo company! Woo hoo! He became a 2LT within the United States Army and will begin his Field Artillery Officer training within the next year! I was so proud of him, words cannot illustrate the emotions that coursed through my body as the love of my life walked with pride and accomplishment across that stage to accept his commission. Wow...it was truly amazing! This entire journey so far has evoked so many different changes. One thing I can say is we have truly grown, as individuals and as a couple. What a great start to such a turbulent career path. I am so proud of my husband, of my LT. He is amazing, and I am confident he will prove an asset to the US Army, and to any FA PL he leads! Congrats hubby!



And two days before that, we were able to attend his company's formal, which served as a celebration for all 132 graduates for that class. It was so fun! I met some really great people, and had a blast talking to the new sgt's wife. She was such a doll! I was totally freaked out before the formal though. I have been taking hormonal supplements to help with fertility, and my weight and body mass fluctuates with each cycle of pills. Well, when I bought my dress for the formal, I hadn't taken any supplements, as I was out. But the day before I tried my dress on for my husband, and it wouldn't zip! Talk about major spaz mode!! Luckily, JCPenney took it back and had an even more adorable and form flattering dress for the same price! All-in-all this has proven to be an eventful and amazing journey...and we've only just begun

AS

Changes impact everyone involved...everyone, adult or child. Well, with all the changes recently, with my husband being gone for his training, and the inconsistency of the visits and so on I have seen changes in my son. At first, I was thinking it was purely stress related, as my son is incredibly structure-oriented. As I continue to watch him, and see the changes in him, I am becoming more and more concerned. He is having trouble socializing (he's only 6), he is becoming lethargic, obsessed with the Army, and is changing all the way around. I am so worried about him. His biological father has ADHD and my youngest sister has Autism (severe). Both of these disorders are genetic, and with my son having Austistic spectrum disorders on both sides...the chances are increased. Well, after research (and having worked with disabled children and adults for 7 years) I am afraid my son has Asperger's syndrome. I have done extensive research on this disorder, and have worked one-on-one with children who have it a year back, and all the information I am finding is only making me worry more. At first, I thought he was just struggling to adjust to the changes, and took drastic measures to try to help him adjust (keeping him busy, new activities, family day as often as possible, and so on). Now I am convinced it is more. Each time we go to the park, he struggles to communicate with the other children. He can play with the younger children, but not those his own age. If anyone knows anything about Asperger's Syndrome, please let me know! I want to devour all information so I can prepare myself to help provide the best life possible for my son! I haven't spoken with his pediatrician yet, as we were just there a couple weeks ago. I just want to have all my ducks in a row before going to talk with her...

In My Life

So I had to use that subject for the title because it is just too fitting. This past Valentine's Day my husband and I wed. My son walked me down the aisle and did the honors of giving me away. For the dance with the one who gave me away (my adorable son), I chose that song. It just seemed so fitting, you know? If you listen to the lyrics...it puts into perspective just how our life together has been. Through all the trials and tribulations, all the struggles and challenges...he's there. Our children are blessings, and should never be taken for granted. Each morning they bring a smile to our face, and each night we beam with pride and love. Motherhood is truly amazing!
Today, as Caleb climbed on the school bus, he touched my heart. He turned around, winked and gave me a huge heart-melt smile and said, "I love you Momma." He was the only child to do so, as all other children are too embarrassed by their parents. It's moments like these that just melt my heart. He is amazing, and so loving. And to my dear Caleb, the Beatles said it best when they said...'in my life, I love you more'...

Everything changes

As I sit here and wait for my husband's company to return from their 12 day FLX (field exercise) I can't help but realize how comfortable I am with this entire situation. First, let me start off by saying I have never been one who does well alone! I grew up in a large family that was always loud and someone was always there...always. And even after I moved out of my parent's house, I still had to have someone there all the time, and slept with the television on for years to break the silence. However, as my husband progresses through his Officer training, I am becoming more and more comfortable with him being gone. At first, a plethora of fears and insecurities paralyzed me to the point of not being able to deal with my emotions, but after an introspective view, I realized they were nothing more than insecurities and fears. How can you get over these???? Let them go, let someone else worry about them. Let's face it, you can fear all you want. You can worry all you want, but all you are doing is limiting the happiness in life for you, and all those around you. So, after 26 years of being scared and insecure, I let it go. It's kind of weird to sit here today, and realize how much I (personally) have changed from this experience. Now don't get me wrong, I will still fear deployment...who wouldn't? I mean, I can't think of one military spouse who doesn't fear sending his or her loved one to a war zone for at least a year. That is my fear. Beyond that, I have no fears.
It's amazing to wake up and realize that life is great. I mean, I married my highschool sweetheart, Caleb (our son) just amazes me every single day, and things are going to be okay. This new life, this new me, is something for which I owe incredible thanks to my husband. He was determined to show me there is nothing to fear (except fear itself). He was determined to illustrate love and happiness for me. He stood by me through so many troubles, and has always been there when no one else was. Finally, I fear no more. We sat down one day this past winter and decided we wanted to commit ourselves to a religion. We both believed in God, but neither of us believed in the religious beliefs of our families. We both took religion courses in college and had a pretty vast knowledge of what to expect and what was expected (and accepted) of each religion. I had been asking him to go to church with me, but he kept declining my offer. I didn't want to push. Finally, we sat down and realized it would be best, not only for ourselves, but for each other, and for our son. Statistically, families that attend church and religious services have lower divorce rates. Plus, there's an amazing spiritual cleansing process that happens at church, it's invigorating! So, we decided we were going to pursue Catholicism.
This year has been full of changes, we married on Valentine's Day, he joined the US Army, we moved to Georgia, I had an epiphany, our son learned to read, and we found our faith. Faith is a funny thing...as it is all a matter of perception. So many argue with religion or the presence of a divine being; however, once you have experienced the other side, you realize there must be a balance present, there must be something divine and good to balance out the bad. How else could blessings like family and children be present? All I can say is I am so grateful to have this life...I've waited 26 long years...and it was worth every second of the wait!